Wednesday, February 07, 2007

God Love Him

Few things on the news can make me laugh out loud but news that Rev. Ted Haggard has been 'cured' and is no longer gay (yup, he is a raging heterosexual now) made me laugh out loud when I first heard it and I've been chuckling about it whenever I think of it. I'm wondering if the same crowd who helped him with this can help me stop blinking or maybe stop that annoying thing where hair grows on my legs. Really, I could use not having to shave them all the time.

Apparently because Haggard alleges that the only homosexual sex he ever had was with male prostitute Mike Jones (over a three-year period), this means that he was heterosexual all along. And you know we should believe him because he was always 100% honest with his flock. Well, except after first denying the allegations and then saying that Jones had just given him a massage and that yes, he bought methamphetamine from the guy but he just threw it away. But then, once taped conversations between Jones and Haggard came out, well, Haggard was totally truthful. Yeah, so I believe him. It was only, at the very least, sex with a male prostitute during a three year period. I mean, how can that be seen as anything but heterosexual?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to see how long I can go without blinking.

Damn. Okay, I'll try again. I can do it, you know. It's all mind over matter. If I just tell myself that I don't need to blink, that I am not a blinker, I can do it. I just



At 12:11 PM, Blogger towniebastard said...

I enjoyed how Jon Stewart speculated last night on the kind of treatment that was needed to make him straight again. He compared it to the time you got caught smoking and your dad threw you in the closet and made you smoke a box of cigars before you were allowed out.

Now imagine the same principle being applied - you can't come out of the closet (!) until you finish having sex with all these gay men. And then you'll be straight.

What the hell, it's probably about as sane a treatment as anything else he's gone through the past few months.

At 12:45 PM, Blogger Tina Chaulk said...

Darn, missed Jon Stewart last night. Early nght as I was doped up from the cold medication I was on. Have to see if I can find that video somewhere.

At 4:04 PM, Anonymous Steve said...

If you want to be successful curing yourself of that blinking thing, do what Haggard must be doing...

Close your eyes and keep 'em closed!

I missed the Daily Show too... Jon must have had a gay ol' time with that!

At 7:58 PM, Blogger Voice said...

Tremendous! Finally we can let our boys attend 'Youth Night With Pastor Ted' again! As always, it'll be BYOMeth.

By the way, Comedy Central hosts bits from their shows online, so you can watch last night's Daily Show clips here:


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