Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Last pre-baby post

Probably the last blog post for a while. Two days from now I'll be having child #2 and, if the past is any indication, will be unable to string together complete sentences due to lack of sleep. "Me, Tina" will probably be the extent of my writing skills. But you never know, it could be just like my happily in denial hubby says and the baby might sleep through the night (depsite having to nurse every two hours), and might not cry all the time like Sam did. In such a case I may be like the women I marvel at. The ones that have a baby, put on makeup, do their hair, and await visitors, making conversation, and even smiling. They even go outside. With the baby. And they don't cry all the time or anything. They don't have that wonderful postpartum depression that makes everything so cloudy and I may be one of them this time. Well, I may skip all the crying but I don't think I'll ever be one of them. I see them, these women. I ask them how old their babies are as they walk along picking up organic bananas while singing to their children who reside in Snugli slings on their chests. "Ten days old"; "five days old" they say, and I wonder what part of the universe they come from. I cannot comprehend managing that with a newborn. I was pretty proud of myself when I took my first post-baby shower. But some women do it. Of course, it's different when you have a c-section but I still think some of them manage being normal fairly soon after the baby.

I remember seeing a mother of an eleven-day-old at a breastfeeding clinic when I had passed the worst of my PPD and Sam was sleeping for most of the night. I saw her and this tiny creature and thought I would give her some encouraging words. "It will get easier," I said. "He'll sleep through the night eventually and everything." She just looked at me calmly and said, "oh, he's been sleeping through the night ever since we brought him home." I walked away, resisting the temptation to smack her, and sat down. I watched a mother who was more like me. I could tell. Her eyes were blank and bleary and she looked at her child like one would look at a 5000 piece jigsaw puzzle, as if she didn't know what to do with it and what her next move should be. I knew her by her hair too. It was messy but you could see she had tried to make it look okay. Had probably sprayed it with a little hair spray and ran a brush through it, then gave up, either too tired to know it still didn't look right or, more likely, too tired to care. Funny, that I didn't feel the urge to tell her it would be okay. Because I knew that if someone had told me that (and they did) when I was still feeling like her, I wouldn't have believed them (and I didn't). They would have been empty words to her and she may very well have wanted to smack me. That's the difference with this time. I know. That even if I feel that way again, even if I think I will actually die if I don't get more sleep, even if I sometimes cry more than the baby, I'll know that it will be okay and that I will one day sleep again. And if I somehow forget that, I'll know to ask for help.

Or maybe I'll be out at the store next week buying groceries in full makeup and combed hair. Maybe I'll post on this blog and it will be coherent. But let's not hold our breath.

10 Comments:

At 2:51 PM, Blogger nadinebc said...

Good luck Tina.

You are a braver woman than I!

 
At 3:54 PM, Anonymous Steve said...

All the best.

For what it's worth, you are a braver woman than I am too! :-)

 
At 4:41 PM, Blogger Geoff Meeker said...

Best wishes Tina... try to come back once in a while to let us know how you're doing.

 
At 5:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My sister Karen is one of those women. When Karen had her first child mom was in the delivery room and she swears to this day that as Ryan was 'coming out', Karen was whipping a small makeup bag out from underneath her robe. She then proceeded to apply a fresh set of lipstick and a bit of blush as she was giving her final push. She wanted to make sure she looked great for the first baby and mom picture!


Kathy

 
At 9:08 PM, Anonymous Sandra said...

Tina,

You just described your experience as a first time mom, as if you were talking about me! I am still scared to think about having another one - even after almost 3 years. I can totally relate to every word you said. Well, everyone swears if you have a difficult first run, the 2nd time around will be a breeze! I like to think That Much Is True and you will be blessed with a little relaxed angel - all smiles and a little tiny cry which you rarely hear at all. Little soft breaths and sighs....wide beautiful eyes who stare at you and cannot look away....a content sleeper who just takes it all in as you spend each day up early, running to the gym (with baby in tow), then back home to shower and primp and you lose all the baby weight right away and you go out shopping and then back home to multitask with dinner, tidying the house, all the while feeding your little bambino and then as you burp her (note, her), you sit back and watch your favorite nightly tv show and squeeze in some return phone calls to say thanks for the best baby wishes. It's all so perfect! :) Good luck to you!

Sandra

 
At 11:37 PM, Anonymous Cam said...

Best wishes, Tina! It really can turn out that way the 2nd time. I was prepared for the worst, but was amazed when #2 turned out to be the easy baby I didn't think actually existed! He only woke 2 times a night for a few weeks, then down to once a night until he hit 3 months...then he slept through...12 hours. **thud** The worst problem I've had is having to pump a lot to keep up my supply, since he slept through so early.
I hope you get such a blessing this time, too! It really makes a difference in how sane you remain. I really *was* out shopping for groceries a week after he was born, and I felt good. SUCH a difference, being it took me about 6 months to even start basic functioning again after G was born. LOL
Now, figuring out how to take care of two is a different story. The logistics are hard. I'm still struggling with that. But, at least I'm not sleep-deprived this time.

Thinking of you!

 
At 5:39 PM, Blogger Denise said...

I'm thinking of you! xoxoxo

I hope you got an "easy" one this time. I suffered through PPD like you did and I don't wish that on anyone.

I'm looking forward to hearing all about your new addition. I hope you will blog soon. :)

 
At 11:30 PM, Blogger SkylarKD said...

Congratulations Tina, and good luck! :)

I'm just getting back into the world after a year off with my baby, and while we did have a baby carrier and we do buy organic bananas ;), I was a bleary-eyed Mom visiting the breastfeeding clinic for help and crying because it was just so damn uncomfortable at first (the nursing and the surgery recovery)! You're not alone!

Best wishes!

 
At 6:41 PM, Anonymous M-J said...

Ok Tina...
I think we gave you enough time now, time to get back to blogging! ha ha

 
At 3:38 AM, Blogger Daniel J. Casper said...

Pregnancy is one of the most important phases of a woman's life and unfortunately sometimes in this phase a woman gets caught in the web of depression. Though depression during pregnancy is not uncommon, it can be dangerous for both the mother and the unborn baby. http://www.xanax-effects.com/

 

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